Today marks the first anniversary of my working at the Bureau of Transportation Statistics. Do job anniversaries exist? Or does that just mean I'm too lazy to find another job? But it's not the one year itself that matters most, it's the fact that I got to change my photo ID!!! Hahaha, 'been waiting a long time to finally get rid of that ugly picture. This time I was more ready, but it didn't turn out that well either, I guess I'm just not ID-genic T_T

I really felt that life truly is nothing but a set of cycles and this job anniversary marks the end of a long and very eventful cycle. Actually, the past weekend was when I really felt that a year has finally passed. Driving to the highway from Muvico with Devmann, we somehow took the exact same route where I got the news about my brothers' accident and where I finally found out that Umang has left us. I'm pretty sure that that was not the first time I drove through that street after my brother's passing, but I guess with all the graduations I was going to attend the following day; My mind was on déjà vu mode.

Seeing my friends' family, taking pictures in front of the hall: The commencement atmosphere really took me back to last May when I was flying in and out of Minnesota, California, and Maryland attending graduations in 4 different cities: Ii's in Mankato, Umang's in Mpls, Luki's in LA, and Yuli's in SF. It was about two months after the accident at Mt. Shasta, California and during that time, I had the strangest feelings inside. Yes it was celebratory with all the graduations but in the same time I can't help thinking we're missing one person. I was shifting back and forth between being happy and sad, but most of the time I was feeling melancholic, smiling while almost shedding a tear, laughing with an emptiness inside followed with a pang of guilt for being able to laugh so soon. In a way, this period set in more clearly in my memory than the wake and all the crying that entails it. I guess I was more conscious when I attended those graduations than when we took care of wake and funeral. I think we all operated on a limited consciousness during that time, didn't really have the energy to remember anything but being sad.

So with all the things going on with the graduation weekend, all these came back to me. I guess that was why I felt what I felt when we drove through that street. I was sad but then I realized that I was not feeling but I was instead remembering. I was feeling a past emotion and that was when it hit me "it has finally been a year since life returned to normal." Well, it's true what they say, when you're at the bottom, you can only go up. Last year I got no job, lost my brother, got stitches at the emergency room, and herniated my disk. But now, I got a decent job, got a new niece, went through a successful surgery, and got closer to friends that might very well be family. I suppose I still have a lot of things to cherish. I should look up more.

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edit: hahaha sorry Von, i forgot the happening metropolis that is Ithaca! it should've been FOUR different cities